The Tough Life of an Introvert Mom

When I was in high school I went to the occasional basketball game with my friends and cheered on our team (Go Panthers!). I even went to the occasional party or two- if I got invited. But I kind of hated it. I never really knew quite how to "fit in" so I usually just became silly or left the crowd for a quiet corner. My idea of fun was hanging out with just close friends or spending the day home with a book.  Even when I got to college I made few new friends and of those few I am friends with maybe three on Facebook.

Back then I figured I was just awkward and not cut out for a mainstream lifestyle. I didn't want to be popular or anything but I couldn't figure out what my role was. Now, I realize that I am, and was, introverted. I don't enjoy crowds of loud people and hoards of friends. I don't need social engagements to be me. As an adult I found my groove in life. I made social acquaintances at work- people I enjoy being around and talking to but people I seldom hang out with outside of work- and a few friendships that I hope last the rest of my life. All my other close friends (like two of them) that I keep in constant contact with are friends from high school. And by constant contact I mean we text at least every so often. In fact, there are only a handful of people in my life that I will actually go up to and speak to if I see you in the grocery store or Target. (If you are one of those few, you should feel honored.) I barely feel comfortable commenting on "friends'" Facebook statuses for fear I'm intruding. If I comment to you, you should once again feel honored!

I liked my introverted lifestyle. I had my rhythm down. I worked with people all day and came home to blissfull solitude. But then I had kids.

Now, kids themselves don't ruin an introverted solitude. It's the socializing that follows them in. When they are first born, people come to visit on a regular basis, starting within minutes after you give birth. They come to the hospital and then into your home. Now, don't get me wrong. I love showing off my babies and seeing friends and family, but for an introvert, socializing is an exhausting task. But, I was a good sport and I put up with it, even enjoyed a bit of the attention for awhile. At least when you are breastfeeding, you can slip away for privacy reasons and recharge. Eventually, everything returns to normal and you can crawl back inside your shell. 

Then you hit phase two.

Client One is now entering that phase. It's the one with parties and classes and play dates. Now, I don't mind throwing a birthday party. I actually love planning parties. I am In control so I can make sure people I like are there. It's other people's parties I dread. You never know who is going to be there, so you come prepared with a mental list of easy conversation starters. If you're lucky another mom that you're friends with will be at the party and you're good to go. Otherwise, you're stuck. To be honest, the idea of attending a party where I can barely pick the kid, let alone the mom, out of a lineup terrifies me to the core. I will literally count down the minutes and seconds until I get to leave, or come up with a good excuse to rush away. Of course, my initial response is to come up with an excellent excuse why we could never make it, just like I do in 99% of most social engagements, but Client Two is extroverted it seems. We can be at a playground for two minutes and she can find a friend. She is a little social butterfly and she loves being around other kids. I want her to stay comfortable being more extroverted, so, for her sake, a little part of me wants to take her to parties and story times at the library. 

Kids make life harder and make us stretch our comfort zones. I'm learning that more and more each day. I fear the day both my kids are in school and my home finds itself invaded with friends. I want them to have lots of friends, but I don't need necessarily want to be friends with their friends' mothers. That seems so rude to me, but that's who I am. Who knows? Maybe it won't be so bad. It's probably a good thing not all moms are introverted like me or the world would run on text messages and emails instead of actual conversations. Facebook and the occasional play date with a close friend is all I really need for my social life to be complete, but my kids need more. Client One has dance class and AWANAS on Wednesdays. I take her to story time at the library on Fridays. We do play dates when we can and we hit up all the fall festivals and spring flings and holiday parties. And now, we're starting into the birthday parties. Do I like it? Well, I like seeing her have fun. Am I happy when it's over and I come back home? You betcha. Am I going to keep going outside my comfort zone even though I dread it? Yep. Because parenting isn't always about you. It's about doing the best for your kids and if that means torture in the form of parties and social engagements for a few years, then so be it. 

Client One with her best friend at an Easter party from this past weekend.