The Thing about Dress Codes

We are almost halfway through another school year. While this doesn't really apply to me as no one in my household is attending school right now, there are many people out there who are eagerly anticipating Christmas break. Of course, some of those students are whiny little brats who just want to be free from the horrors of their school dress codes. In fact, it seems that a week can't go by without a so-called "news story" coming across my feed declaring the unfairness of yet another school dress code and how it's ruining the life of some poor high school student. Every time I see one of these stories I roll my eyes. I went to a Christian private school and our dress code was a lot stricter than most of the dress codes these poor souls have to put up with. And, Baby, if I found a way to survive, so can they.

But let's get a few things straight about dress codes:

1) They are rules and if you break them you have to suffer the consequences. It does not matter if you and your friend and even your parents think the dress code is stupid. It does not matter for what reasons you think the dress code is stupid. It is a rule and if you break it, you get whatever punishment is set in place. There are some rules that I find stupid as an adult, but I still have to follow them. One example is the speed limit. If the speed limit on a road is 30 but I feel that 45 is a safe speed limit and I go 45, I can get a ticket. If caught speeding, I will have to pay a fine. It does not matter that the road is all down-hill and I would have to ride my brakes to go that speed. It does not matter that I'm in a hurry. It does not matter what I feel is a safe speed. What matters is that a rule, or in this case a law, was broken and I am responsible for whatever penalties come with breaking that rule. So, if there's a dress code and you violate it for whatever reason, you broke a rule and your deserve the penalties.

2) Dress codes are not personal vendettas to bring down certain students. Look, I've been to high school and college. I know that some teachers have favorites and least favorites and I know that sometimes they can react unfairly in certain situations. Some kids get away with murder while others get brought up on every tiny infraction. But here's the thing- if you don't break the dress code rules, you won't get caught for breaking the dress code. If you do break the dress code and you get caught, you are still getting in trouble for something you did wrong. It doesn't matter that Mr. Whatchmacallem hates you and that he let Suzie get away with the same dress code violation. Yes, it's unfair, but don't break the dress code and you won't have to worry about it. But even though that form of injustice happens on occasion, it's the reason behind every student who gets in trouble. Sometimes it's just a matter of the student breaking the dress code rule and getting busted. Sometimes the same student gets busted multiple times and yet they complain that they're being treated unfairly instead of actually fixing the problem. Einstein, I believe, was the one who said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, and that man was pretty smart.

3) Dress codes are not all misogynistic. Yes, in general, girls often have more dress code rules than boys, but boys do have dress codes, too. The only ones that seem to whine about the unfairness of dress codes are girls, though. They are the one that throw temper tantrums and hissy fits on social media. That's one of the reasons I preferred guy friends over girl friends most of my life. Girls are whiny and they love a good cat fight. But you know what? Girls have more dress code rules because they have  more to worry about. We have boobs. (Shocker, I know.) And boys like boobs. They like to look at them and think about them and think about what they want to do with them and to them. And if a girl shows up to class that boy is going to have a really hard time concentrating on how to find X if he's looking at boobs. And, yes, I know boys should learn to control themselves, but really, it's tough! You throw a bunch of boys going through puberty and dealing with fresh sexual urges into a room full of girls in short skirts with low-cut tops and even the best of teens would have trouble concentrating and controlling their urges. Some guys get easily turned on by a sexy pair of legs or a nice butt and clothes that emphasize those body parts can cause a girl to be distracting. And, I'll be honest with you, if a hot guy had come into my classroom when I was in high school I would have had a hard time contracting if the hot guy had taken off his shirt. You can find X on your own cuz I'm checking out the hot guy and wondering what it would be like to kiss him. Shoot, a guy wears a tight pair of pants, my imagination would probably start to run wild. Visions of a combination of High School Musical and Magic Mike would be playing in my head. I had a hard enough time not worrying about boys when they were fully dressed and boys I knew had the same problem not thinking about girls who were completely covered with parkas. So, yes, girls might get the short end of the stick when it comes to dress code but, let's face it, we are super sexy.

4) School is not a fashion club. How often do students whine that the clothes that are "in" or that they like don't fit the dress code? Yeah, it sucks that you can't wear whatever you want, but that's life. When you graduate from school chances are you will one day get a job with a dress code. I worked at a place for almost nine years where I had to wear a uniform. It was ugly and somewhat uncomfortable, but if I showed up without it on I would either get sent home without pay to change or would have been given a temporary uniform to borrow for the day. School dress codes are just preparing you for that day. And if you don't like the dress code, you don't have to follow it when you're not at school. You can wear whatever you want after before school, after school, on the weekends, on breaks and all summer long. Your school's dress code does not have to define you but it does get to tell you what you can't wear during those few school hours every day. Suck it up.

5) Any infraction, no matter how minute, is still breaking the rules. If the rule book says that a shoulder strap or sleeve on a shirt must be three inches and yours is two inches, you broke the rule. If a skirt or a pair of shorts can't be more that three inches above the knee and yours are five, you broke a rule. It does not matter that you barely broke a rule, you still broke it. It's just like with speeding. It does not matter if you are gong 50 over the speed limit or 5 over, you are still speeding and can still get a ticket. When I was in high school, one of our rules was that a top could not be more lowcut that three finger-widths or show cleavage. I have fairly large boobs and even some tops that fit the finger rule still showed cleavage. It made it hard to find tops. It really did. I also have long legs, making it difficult to find skirts that fit correctly lengthwise. I had friends who were almost the same height as me who could war the exact same skirt and not break the rule but when I put it on it was technically too short. But I suffered through and found appropriate clothes and managed to graduate without needing counseling from the oppressive rules.

In conclusion, yes dress codes can totally suck. They might not be fun at all. You might hate them, but you still have to follow them. If you feel a dress code is particularly unfair, the way to express that feeling is not by breaking it but by discussing it with someone in authority who might be willing to address the issue. And the parents are just as much to blame when something goes awry. Parents, don't rush to your little snowflake's side declaring how ridiculous the infraction is. Take said snowflake out and find some new clothes that fit the dress code. When you kid starts school, check the rule book and make sure the clothes you buy fit the dress code. It's really not that hard.

A rule is a rule, no matter how dumb. So follow it or face the consequences. And please, please, please keep your dress code issues off of social media and don't report them as a news story. Just don't. It just shows how petty and bratty you are.

Mission Jack-O-Lantern

When I was  a kid, carving a pumpkin into a Jack-o-lantern was simple and easy. We would swing by the grocery store and pick out the biggest pumpkin we could carry. Visions of Linus and Lucy rolling the pumpkin out of the pumpkin patch would play in our heads as we would haul the pumpkin inside. We would then grab a handful of newspapers (because those were commonplace in every house back then) and spread them across the span of the dining room table. One of my parents would grab a huge knife from the kitchen and hack a hole in the top so we could pull out the guts. I hated the feeling of the slimy pumpkin so I could rarely be convinced to help. Next, we would grab a sharpie and draw a face on our pumpkin. Usually, this face consisted of two triangle eyes, a triangle nose and a boxy mouth consisting of a few square teeth. Then, whichever parent was helping, would grab that massive knife and do their best to cut out the face. If the mouth was too detailed, they made up their own patten. When it was done, we would happily burn our little fingers sticking an actual candle down inside to make our Jack-o-lantern glow.

But that's not how it works anymore. No Siree! You have to have a Pinterest perfect pumpkin to post on Facebook for all your friends to Ooh! and Ahhh! over. And you better not use a real candle because your little snowflake might burn his wittle fingers! Instead, you buy a cute, fake, battery operated, flickering candle from the dollar section at Target. 

I remember Client One's first and second Halloweens. She got that traditional pumpkin face. It was simple and basic and she didn't care. I can remember seeing the emerging pumpkins of awesomeness scattered across my facebook feed and thinking, "Wow. These people clearly have way too much time on their hands!" But when Client One's third Halloween rolled around, we had jumped on the bandwagon. Her pumpkin was no longer just a boring face that any amatuer with a kitchen knife could do. It was a carefully crafted scene with a cat wearing a witch hat, sitting next to a jack-o-lantern with a bat flying above. It consisted of painstakingly tracing a pattern on the pumpkin and using special tools to create the picture. In the end, she loved it and we were worthy to post the picture on Facebook.

Last year, Client Two got the boring, traditional face. It seemed like a good, classic first pumpkin. Plus, he couldn't have cared less. Client One, however, was fully opinionated. Having tasted the glory of an amazing pumpkin the previous year, she needed an equally impressive jack-o-lantern. Luckily, we had found a Disney princess pumpkin decorating kit at Target. Of course, she picked out an intricate design of Cinderella in her sweeping ballgown with the castle in the background. She happily gutted her pumpkin and was eager to help out as her daddy did all the hard work. When it was done, we had two decent pumpkins and at least one was worthy of the Facebook post.

This year, we decided to go easy on ourselves. Instead of carefully tracing an intricate design onto each of their pumpkins, we picked out some simple stencils. Client Two picked out the eyes, nose and mouth he wanted for his pumpkin (and he was very enthusiastic about it, even though he really had no idea what was going on) and Client One picked out a simple stencil of a cat. Client One was more than happy to gut her pumpkin, but Client Two was very hesitant. He did NOT like the slimy guts. (That's my boy!) Once the pumpkins were properly gutted, hubby and I grabbed the official pumpkin carving tools from the previous years and went to work. I cut out Client Two's pumpkin face and Hubby turned Client One's pumpkin into a picture of a cat. When we were done, both clients were quite satisfied.

Having gained their approval, I felt confident enough to post the pictures online. So far, I have received an appropriate amounts of "likes" so I know we did okay. 

Mission Jack-O-Lantern: Complete.

Find me on Steller for more pictures and fun! 

Let the Halloween Fun Begin!

If I had to choose a favorite season, it would be Fall. There are so many things I love about it. I love waking up to the cool, crisp mornings. I love all the beautiful colors of all the leaves on the trees. I also love that everything comes in pumpkin flavor. But one of the great things that happens in Fall is Halloween.

When I was a kid, Halloween wasn't really a big deal in our house. Sometimes we would dress up in whatever costume my mom had made us and we would go with our next-door neighbors to the few houses in our neighborhood that were handing out candy. A couple of years we went to a festival at our church. But most of the time. our Halloweens were spent sitting at home watching a movie, wondering if anyone was actually going yo stop by our house and trick-or-treat.

My husband had a very difference experience. Part of his childhood was spent in a little Southern town where everyone went all out for Halloween. When I envision his experience, I see a long country road, lit up with Halloween decorations and porch lights, with children of all in ages in all sorts of costumes running up and down and back and forth, swinging their pillow cases full ow candy. It's a picturesque scene right from an old movie. And that's pretty much the way he describes it as his eyes glaze over with the happy memories of Halloween as a kid.

Our very different experiences mash together in creating what our kids will remember as their Halloween. I wish I could have had a bit more fun and craziness at Halloween and Hubby wants to pass on all the fun he had. Unfortunately, we live in a small, boring neighborhood much like the one I grew up in. This is great for the crime rate but nit great for trick-or-treating. On Halloween night we will still go door to door and collect a decent amount of treats from the five or six houses that will give out stuff but we do most of our fun Halloweening at different Halloween events around town. Tonight, we participated in our first fun Halloween event- Boo in the Zoo.

We have done Boo in the Zoo every year since Client One's second Halloween. (She wasn't quite 6 months old at her first Halloween so she wasn't really into all the fun stuff.) Usually, we go with friends, but this year it was just us. This year, Client One was a 50's girl in a poodle skirt. It was her dance costume this past year, so we decided it could get some more use. I made her some cute saddle shoes from some cheap white canvas shoes from Walmart by drawing on them with a black Sharpie so her outfit was complete and cheap. (Well, not cheap, really. The costume was a bit pricey but we had it on hand so it was no extra money.) Cient Two went as a Greaser in his white t-shirt, black jeans, black leather jacket and his black Converse All-Stars. I even slicked back his hair. Together, they made an adorable duo,

This year, the zoo provided a shuttle from a nearby location so the zoo parking lot wouldn't be quite so overrun. Of course, since we took advantage of this service, the busses were given the wrong schedule so we had to hang out in the parking lot a little longer than anticipated, but it was okay. Client One made some new friends and Client Two had fun doing whatever his sister was doing. And when the trolley did swing by and pick us up, both were thrilled for the special ride.

Having been previous years, we knew to buy our tickets ahead of time so we were in the short, fast line to get in. We went right as the even started, so many of the animals were actually still awake. As we wove our way through the zoo ahead of the larger portion of the crowd waiting in a looooong line to get it, we made stops at our favorite animals. Client One loves the giraffes and leopards the best, so, of course, they got prolonged visits. Client Two loves all the animals. The Ocelot was jumping around and playing, so both clients were pretty happy with him. Client Two even gave him a clap or two.

Along the way, there were other little things to do beside look at the animals. They had plenty of places set up where kids could have their pictures taken. Everywhere you looked were fun cutouts or blow-up decorations. They also had a Clemson Tiger walking around and greeting kids and some princesses. Client Two is always wary of these people all dressed up (as he should be), but Client One always gets excited when there are princesses involved.

Of course, the main attraction of Boo in the Zoo is the trick-or-treating. As you go through the zoo, they have the path clearly marked with big orange arrows. There are tables set up and sponsored by different companies and groups and each of the tables provide the kids with goodies. I really appreciate the fact that they majority of what they give out isn't actually candy. Tonight, my kiddos got little coloring pads, cups, and several little toys, Sure, they're mostly junky toys that will get lost or broken, but I'd rather have that over candy. We also got a few coupons to different restaurants around town.

All in all, we had a good first night of Halloween fun. This upcoming week will bring even more fun and we can't wait!

A Nosey Tale

Well, it's official. I can go ahead and mark another item off the long list of parenting.

You know, when you're pregnant you hear lots of things. People are ready and willing to give you advice (whether or not you want it or asked for it) and they are prepared to regale you with all the stories they had raising their children. When we found out that Client Two was going to be a boy, people, predictably, chimed in with their "raising a boy" stories. None of these stories shocked me much since I have brother and witnessed him play out many of these types of tales. One of the things people told me was to be prepared to visit the Emergency Room. Well, it's happened. Last night, we went to the ER.

It started off as a pretty typical afternoon. Client Two was gleefully playing with a red ball. He would throw it and chase it around. Since he was content, I sat down at the computer in the same room to print off a few items. The next thing I know, he's coming up to me, fussing away. It took me a minute to realize that something about his nose was bothering him. A quick peek up his nostril made it appear that he just had a big booger, so I grabbed a tissue to get it out. When he screamed and thrashed trying to get away, I realized that something was amiss. It was no booger. It was as little, plastic bead.

I knew there was no way I was getting that sucker out on my own, so I called in reinforcement. Luckily, my mother-in-law lives right across the street. She came on over with a pair of tweezers and helped me fight the struggling toddler in an attempt to dislodge the bead, but our attempts proved futile. In fact, the combination of our efforts and his exuberant sniffing caused the bead to travel a little farther up into his nose. The next step was the doctor.

A quick call to a nearby Urgent Care facility let us know that they could help us out. So, Hubby and I loaded the fussy toddler into the car and headed up the road while Client One stayed behind to get some quality time with her "Frandma." We easily checked in and filled out all the information forms we need to before heading back to see a doctor. By this time, Client Two's poor little eyes was all watery and his face was a little red. A friendly nurse came in and weighed the poor little guy and checked his temperature, informing us that stuff like this was not at all unusual. While we waited for the doctor, Client Two played happily at a colorful little table in the corner and "read" a couple of the little books they provided.

When the doctor was ready, we set Client Two up on a table. He held his blankie pretty securely. The doctor looked up Client Two's nose and felt pretty optimistic since he could still see the bead. A nurse held Client Two's hands while I held his feet and the doctor went to work. He pulled out a little hook tool and tried to remove the bead, but it didn't seem to help. Next we tried to blow the bead out. That didn't work either. Then we went back to the hook thing, still to no avail. Then the doctor whipped out a handy, dandy sucker machine to suck the bead out, Nope. By this time, Client Two's nose had started to bleed just a smidgen and he was in hysterics. The doctor then referred us to the Emergency Room.

 My mom was nearby the hospital so she met us outside the ER. We went on in and gave our reason for being there and they directed us to the Pediatric ER where we were put on a waiting list to check in.

That tiny waiting room was packed full of snotty nosed kids from babies to teens. After about 45 minutes to an hour of waiting, we were finally checked in and put on the official list to wait for a room to see an ER doctor. The check-in nurse got all our important information put into the computer and then glumly informed us that there were 16 people in line in front of us. The longest part of our wait began. By the time we checked in, it was almost 7:00 pm- Client Two's bed time. And he hadn't had dinner yet. We pacified him with fruit bites and water for a bit while trying to keep him from getting too unruly. A nice dad in the waiting room was happy to let Client Two play with his keys for a bit. While I waited, I played a game in my head which I named "Guess Why the Kid is in the ER." Some of the kids were obviously ill or hurt, like the toddler coughing his guts out and the kid with gauze taped over his eye. Others seemed perfectly fine. (And those kids who seemed fine actually ended up leaving an hour or so into their wait, so I guess they couldn't have been too badly off.) One other mom who was there with her 16 year old son was clearly playing this game in her head as she watched Client Two race around. "What's he here for?" she asked, striking up a little conversation. "I'm assuming he probably stuck something up his nose?" She had all the look of a "Been there, done that" mom. For five long hours we waited, passing the time with conversation, a movie playing that had no volume, some games on iPads hooked to the wall, chips and coffee from vending machines and chasing around an exhausted, grumpy toddler.

Finally, a little after 11:00 pm they called us back. They took us to a small room about the size of a closet that had a small bed, tv and some medical equipment. A nurse gave Client Two a cute little gown to put on and put a hospital bracelet on his ankle. While we waited for the actual ER doctor, we flipped on the TV and it seemed to entertain Client Two for awhile. At least this TV had volume that we could hear.

When the doctor came in, he checked Client Two's nose and quickly found the bead. Using a little metal hook tool (a lot like the one at the other doctor's but a little smaller) he pulled the bead out in about 30 seconds while the nurse and I held Client Two down. It was a snotty, yellow bead. We scooped up Client Two and comforted him while the nurse went to process the discharge papers. Client Two got VERY upset when we made him take off the gown. I think he thought it was pajamas and, seeing how it was past 11:30 by this time, he was ready for bed. The nurse made it all better when she returned with not the discharge papers but a big, stuffed Pluto dog.

It was a long night. It's a story that I now get to tell to other parents so we can commiserate together the difficulties of parenting. It's a "I never had this happen until I had a boy" story. And it's something I'll cool with never happening again. Been there, done that.

Boys and Girls and Neutrality! Oh My!

The craziest thing happened the other day when I was browsing the kids' clothes at Target. This employee came up to me, and held a gun to my head and demanded to know if the boy's clothes I was looking at were really for a boy. The employee showed up again when I was in the girls section and demanded to know if I was really shopping for a little girl. I thought this was a little odd, but after confirming each time that I was indeed purchasing clothes from the appropriate section for the appropriate gender, I was allowed to continue my shopping. I decided to take a trip down the toy aisles next and see if there were any good deals on toys that maybe I could set aside for Christmas. I must admit I was a bit surprised to once again be questioned by an employee every time I picked up a toy. "Is that for a girl?" he asked. "Because My Little Ponies and Barbies are for girls only." I nodded and moved to the next aisle. "That truck better be for a boy!" he declared once again. Foregoing the toys I wandered through the rest of the store grabbing the other items I needed and then headed to the registers. When I started checking out, the lady behind the register asked for visual proof that I was purchasing the clothes for children of the appropriate gender. I had to pull out my phone and show her pictures of my children to prove that I had one boy and one girl at home and that I had purchased the correct type of clothing.

Did you believe that? Probably not. I hope not, because it obviously isn't true. No one would care if the clothes or toys that I went to buy for girls or boys. No one would deny me a purchase if I dained to buy my son a doll or my daughter a t-shirt from the boys section. But yet, there is a war on genders. People react with hostility at the idea that there are boy sections and girl sections. Right now, everyone seems to be up in arms over a stupid police costume that was made for little girls.

This police costume is a simple blue dress with leggings and boots. It's definitely not a traditional uniform, but neither is it sexualizing the little girls. It's not too short, or low cut and it's not formfitting. It's just a dress. The boy version, on the other hand, looks like a real uniform. I see no problem with this. Do you know why? If you don't want to buy the girly, dress version, you can buy the other version. Who cares if it is marketed for boys? No one is forcing you to buy the girly version. BUT some little girls, my very own included, would prefer the dress version. My daughter loves to twirl and curtsy. She would find the realistic version very boring and probably wouldn't even consider wearing it. In fact, she would wear a sparkly tutu just about every day if she could. This is what we call having options. I can't claim to know the situation of every single family out there, but I highly doubt any of the children wanting these costumes are actually planning on fighting crime. They probably aren't even planning on giving out a single parking ticket or catching jaywalkers. It's a costume for playing pretend so it does not need to look like or function like a real uniform in order for a child to enjoy wearing it.

These days, everybody is ready to pull out their soapboxes and try to destroy gender stereotypes. They want everything to be gender neutral. They want all the blocks to be primary colors and nothing to be labeled separately for girls and boys. And that works great for some families. Some families have kids that don't fit into those stereotypes. They have girls that want to dress up like knights and boys that want to be princesses. And you know what, that's great for them, but they have to realize that not every child is like their child. I have a daughter who loves princesses, and sparkles, and ponies. She is all sugar and spice and everything nice.  I have a son who loves machines and cars and dinosaurs. He is 100% dirt, snails and puppydog tails. That doesn't mean that my son doesn't sometimes slip on his sister's bracelet and play with a doll or that my daughter doesn't like playing with a train set or dressing up like a superhero. It simply means that 75% of the time, I have children that fall into the typical stereotypes for girls and boys, so when you try to erase everything that makes things girly or boyish and try to make it all neutral, you are taking away their options. Everyone wants to fight for the kids who want gender neutral stuff but no one wants to fight for the kids that want to fit into a specific group. By erasing everything that is gender specific, you are erasing options.

 Let's face it, what works for my family may not work for yours and what works for your family may not work for mine. Let's stop pretending that it does. Let's stop trying to change everything to fit one agenda. Instead of taking away options, and colors and deigns, add more. Add a third costume that is a happy compromise. Add an aisle that is green for toys, like blocks, that aren't specifically for boys or girls. But do not try to take away and destroy something just because it doesn't work for you. If you don't like something, don't buy it. If you want to buy your daughter an outfit from the boys section, do it. If you want to buy your son a doll, go for it. BUT forcing children to play with or wear something that they really don't want to is just as bad as not allowing children to play with or wear something they want. In fact, it may even be worse because you are taking away their freedom to choose. And if the kids start choosing less and less stereotypical stuff because it's not what they want, it will fade out all on its own. Companies won't make products that don't sell for very long because they want to turn a profit, which means that if a product is out there, someone, like my kids, want it.

So, let me be clear. If your son wants to dress up like Elsa for Halloween, that's your money and your choice. I don't have to like it or support it. And if my daughter wants to dress up like a girly cop instead of the realistic version, that's my money and my choice. You don't have to like or support it. You don't judge me and I don't judge you. Variety is the spice of life and when we take variety, choices and options out of everything, life is bland, boring and not very satisfying. Calm down and chill. You keep making your purchases and I'll keep making mine and the toy companies and the the clothing companies will keep making products to make us both happy.  I won't give a rat's ass about your purchases and you keep your nose out of mine. Sound good?