Boys and Girls and Neutrality! Oh My!

The craziest thing happened the other day when I was browsing the kids' clothes at Target. This employee came up to me, and held a gun to my head and demanded to know if the boy's clothes I was looking at were really for a boy. The employee showed up again when I was in the girls section and demanded to know if I was really shopping for a little girl. I thought this was a little odd, but after confirming each time that I was indeed purchasing clothes from the appropriate section for the appropriate gender, I was allowed to continue my shopping. I decided to take a trip down the toy aisles next and see if there were any good deals on toys that maybe I could set aside for Christmas. I must admit I was a bit surprised to once again be questioned by an employee every time I picked up a toy. "Is that for a girl?" he asked. "Because My Little Ponies and Barbies are for girls only." I nodded and moved to the next aisle. "That truck better be for a boy!" he declared once again. Foregoing the toys I wandered through the rest of the store grabbing the other items I needed and then headed to the registers. When I started checking out, the lady behind the register asked for visual proof that I was purchasing the clothes for children of the appropriate gender. I had to pull out my phone and show her pictures of my children to prove that I had one boy and one girl at home and that I had purchased the correct type of clothing.

Did you believe that? Probably not. I hope not, because it obviously isn't true. No one would care if the clothes or toys that I went to buy for girls or boys. No one would deny me a purchase if I dained to buy my son a doll or my daughter a t-shirt from the boys section. But yet, there is a war on genders. People react with hostility at the idea that there are boy sections and girl sections. Right now, everyone seems to be up in arms over a stupid police costume that was made for little girls.

This police costume is a simple blue dress with leggings and boots. It's definitely not a traditional uniform, but neither is it sexualizing the little girls. It's not too short, or low cut and it's not formfitting. It's just a dress. The boy version, on the other hand, looks like a real uniform. I see no problem with this. Do you know why? If you don't want to buy the girly, dress version, you can buy the other version. Who cares if it is marketed for boys? No one is forcing you to buy the girly version. BUT some little girls, my very own included, would prefer the dress version. My daughter loves to twirl and curtsy. She would find the realistic version very boring and probably wouldn't even consider wearing it. In fact, she would wear a sparkly tutu just about every day if she could. This is what we call having options. I can't claim to know the situation of every single family out there, but I highly doubt any of the children wanting these costumes are actually planning on fighting crime. They probably aren't even planning on giving out a single parking ticket or catching jaywalkers. It's a costume for playing pretend so it does not need to look like or function like a real uniform in order for a child to enjoy wearing it.

These days, everybody is ready to pull out their soapboxes and try to destroy gender stereotypes. They want everything to be gender neutral. They want all the blocks to be primary colors and nothing to be labeled separately for girls and boys. And that works great for some families. Some families have kids that don't fit into those stereotypes. They have girls that want to dress up like knights and boys that want to be princesses. And you know what, that's great for them, but they have to realize that not every child is like their child. I have a daughter who loves princesses, and sparkles, and ponies. She is all sugar and spice and everything nice.  I have a son who loves machines and cars and dinosaurs. He is 100% dirt, snails and puppydog tails. That doesn't mean that my son doesn't sometimes slip on his sister's bracelet and play with a doll or that my daughter doesn't like playing with a train set or dressing up like a superhero. It simply means that 75% of the time, I have children that fall into the typical stereotypes for girls and boys, so when you try to erase everything that makes things girly or boyish and try to make it all neutral, you are taking away their options. Everyone wants to fight for the kids who want gender neutral stuff but no one wants to fight for the kids that want to fit into a specific group. By erasing everything that is gender specific, you are erasing options.

 Let's face it, what works for my family may not work for yours and what works for your family may not work for mine. Let's stop pretending that it does. Let's stop trying to change everything to fit one agenda. Instead of taking away options, and colors and deigns, add more. Add a third costume that is a happy compromise. Add an aisle that is green for toys, like blocks, that aren't specifically for boys or girls. But do not try to take away and destroy something just because it doesn't work for you. If you don't like something, don't buy it. If you want to buy your daughter an outfit from the boys section, do it. If you want to buy your son a doll, go for it. BUT forcing children to play with or wear something that they really don't want to is just as bad as not allowing children to play with or wear something they want. In fact, it may even be worse because you are taking away their freedom to choose. And if the kids start choosing less and less stereotypical stuff because it's not what they want, it will fade out all on its own. Companies won't make products that don't sell for very long because they want to turn a profit, which means that if a product is out there, someone, like my kids, want it.

So, let me be clear. If your son wants to dress up like Elsa for Halloween, that's your money and your choice. I don't have to like it or support it. And if my daughter wants to dress up like a girly cop instead of the realistic version, that's my money and my choice. You don't have to like or support it. You don't judge me and I don't judge you. Variety is the spice of life and when we take variety, choices and options out of everything, life is bland, boring and not very satisfying. Calm down and chill. You keep making your purchases and I'll keep making mine and the toy companies and the the clothing companies will keep making products to make us both happy.  I won't give a rat's ass about your purchases and you keep your nose out of mine. Sound good?